World's Record for Worst Movie Weekend

Well, maybe that's an exaggeration...I'm sure in the history of mankind there have been people who have seen more "Worst Movies" in a weekend than we did, but that wouldn't make for a very catchy blog post title, now would it?

But for us, this past weekend ranked at the top for:

• The most eye rolls given to one another while contemplating, "What were the screenwriters THINKING?!"
• The most time spent on our smartphones to pass the time during the scenes that just went on....and on...and on...and..."Oh honey, did you see that email from your mom yet?"...and on...
• The longest argument in my head of "Maybe it'll get better if we just keep watching..."
• The most "Oh brother!'s " spoken during a movie.
• The most frequent time stamp button pushes during a movie (to see how much longer is left before the movie is over).
• And finally, the most time wasted that we can never get back...ever!

So by now, I'm sure you all are dying to know which movies were so horrible to warrant a special blog post. Well, without further ado, here is the Yagers' Worst Movie Weekend Review:

The weekend didn't start off badly, mind you. On Friday evening we watched Columbus Circle - a pretty entertaining thriller that kept us guessing. I'm not sure why it went straight to video - there have been way worse movies that actually played in theaters. In fact, we enjoyed Columbus Circle enough that it'll be added to our Wish List.

But then the weekend took a turn for the worse.

Several months ago we purchased a bunch of movies from a seller on Craigslist. For $2/piece, including blu-rays, we just couldn't pass it up. One of the ones purchased from that lot was a movie that Michael had heard was a classic comedy, so therefore it should be added to the Yager Movie Library: Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

Bits and pieces were funny (I can think of three, and only three parts), but the rest was just...pointless. A bunch of slapstick, idiotic humor that went nowhere. The opening credits should have been our first clue, where the movie starts off "pretending" to be a different movie altogether. Then the real opening credits roll, where the word "moose" is frequently seen, and joked about. Absurd, yes. Then there was a screen that nearly set us both into seizures because it rapidly flashed red and green. All before the actual movie begins...yikes! Then the plot of the movie itself was dreadful. I mean, Robin Hood Men in Tights was silly and slapstick, but it at least had a plot that went somewhere. I cannot believe how many people like this movie (and the others)!

Thanks to another free month trial of Blockbuster Total Access, we have been knocking some movies off our Tryouts List. (If you want to read a brief explanation on all of our crazy lists, read the first part of this post.)

So besides Columbus Circle, we also received one of the last movies Brittany Murphy made before her passing: Abandoned. Now, please understand that I was a fan of Brittany Murphy, so I don't blame her in the least for her work in this film (there's only so much an actor can do with the script that was written by someone else), nor do I mean to make fun of her. Nearly everything about this film was cheesy. Big fat stinky cheese. The lines felt forced. The directing and cinematography was terrible. Terrible! And the makeup artist did an awful job - Brittany Murphy was a beautiful woman, but she was not well taken care of in the makeup artistry of this film. The plot was intriguing, but all the elements I previously mentioned well overshadowed any hope for redemption. To make it even more compelling, the disc kept skipping on us, which trust us, it turned out to be good thing because that meant we saw the movie in a shorter amount of time. And please realize that we're not total snobs to low-budget films - we love Fireproof and all the Sherwood pictures films, Fluke, and others - but when the low-budget film not only appears low-budget, but lacks the ability to convey an appealing story, it just plain stinks, and therefore winds up being blogged about.